A Box of Kleenex: Operation Johnny

I could not sleep last night. I read my friend Jordan's blog and came across this post:

Dear Momma,

There’s a guy who has changed my life. I’m not talking about a romantic love kind of change. I’m talking about a real change. His name is Johnny. You know him. I went to kindergarten with him, graduated high school with him. You had him in middle school… you gave him some clothes and stuff and I didn’t understand why. I get it now, momma. I get it. I wish I would have known back then, I wish I would have known what he was going through. I wish I would have known to love him sooner. His life was wrecked even before he was born.

A few years before he was born his daddy lit his house on fire for insurance money. The plan backfired on him and he ended up killing two of his older sisters and burning another one severely in the fire. They never could get sufficient evidence for him so the man walked away from that murder free. He didn’t pay a thing for it. When Johnny was three he left them. He didn’t say a goodbye, didn’t leave anything for him, just left.

When we started kindergarten together, I didn’t know he didn’t have a daddy. I had no idea. I had the best daddy in the world. I remember in kindergarten, daddy would still rock to me sleep every night. He would rock me and Jessie both, until we were almost asleep, then we would go in my room and we would all say our prayers together. Remember that, Momma? He made sure we never missed that. When we were in big crowds he would put me up on his shoulders so I could see. He played outside with me when you thought it was too hot. He helped me when I came home with words that were too hard to spell. Momma, who rocked Johnny to sleep? Who prayed for him? Whose shoulders did he get ride? Who played catch with him? Who taught him how to throw a football? Who helped him with his spelling words? He didn’t have any of that.

For a few years it was just him and his brothers and sisters while his mom tried hard to work and support them. They never saw much of her because she was always out trying to get more money. The only type of parenting he got was from his teachers at school, but they couldn’t be his parents. He needed a mom and daddy. He needed what I had. And I would get so mad at you and daddy. I thought you were so mean when you wouldn’t let me spend the night with a friend, or when you would spank me for disobeying you. I thought people like Johnny, with no parents, were lucky. I thought having no rules, no spankings, no one to tell me I couldn’t spend the night sounded so perfect. I was so wrong, Momma. Your rules and spankings, they shaped me. They made me who I am. You and daddy taught me so much. You helped me become the person I want to be. You taught me things back then that I still use today. I had no idea how important that was. I had no idea what you were doing then, but I can’t imagine my life without that. I can’t imagine how I would have learned everything without you teaching me. Who taught Johnny? Who helped him learn what was right and what was wrong? Who spanked him when he messed up and who hugged him when he did good? Who taught him things that he needed to become a young man? Who loved Johnny?

When he turned eight, his mom met a man named Steve. Johnny was so excited because he thought he was getting a daddy. He thought he was getting someone to play ball with him, to hug him, to put him on his shoulders, maybe even to pray for him. But he didn’t get any of that, Momma. You know what he got? He got cuts, bruises, scars. Steve beat him. For seven years, Momma. He beat him. Every day after school would come home and get beaten, then go and cut down big heavy trees and haul them back on his beaten body. They didn’t need wood. That was just another form of punishment. That was just another way for Steve to hate him. He did this every day, Momma. Every day he got told that he was no good. He bled. He cried. He hurt. For seven years! I came home from school and got hugged. I played with friends, ate snacks, and waited for supper. Johnny didn’t even have supper most of the time. I came home after school to everything I could possibly dream of. He came home to abuse. Every day, Momma. I didn’t even know what abuse was. I remember one time you were spanking me and I jumped and turned around and the belt hit my face. I thought that was abuse. I had absolutely no idea.

One day Johnny said he had had enough. Steve beat him so bad he was bleeding and had been knocked out. When he woke back up, Steve was asleep on the couch. Johnny went and grabbed a knife and put it on Steve’s heart. He almost killed him, Momma. But something in him made him stop. He said he put the knife down and went back to his room and just cried. You know what, Momma? I think I would have killed him. If a man beat me and my brothers and sisters every day for seven years, if he made me bleed and cry, if he treated me like an animal, I think I would have. It would be so easy for us to judge him and think that is just an awful thing to think about doing. But he didn’t know anything else. He never knew love. He was taught violence. He is a bigger person than me.

When Johnny was 14, his mom told him that his dad was coming back to town. Johnny was so excited and hopeful. He just knew that his dad would come and find out what Steve was doing to him and his brothers and sisters and save them. He just knew that he would apologize for not being there for so many years and want to restore their relationship. But that didn’t happen. He didn’t say he was sorry. He didn’t ask how he was doing. He didn’t tell him he loved him. The only thing his dad said to him that day was, “What’s your name?” His dad, the man who was supposed to come and save him, didn’t even know his name, Momma. He didn’t even know his name. He left that day and Johnny never saw him again. A few months later his girlfriend shot and killed him over a bottle of whiskey. The only memory he has of his father is him not knowing his name. Why, Momma? Why didn’t his daddy care about him? Why didn’t he want to save him from Steve? Why didn’t his know his name?

A year later, he came home one day and Steve had beaten his mom really bad. He and his brothers decided they wouldn’t take it anymore so they called the cops and they beat Steve up. They went to court and the Judge ordered a restraining order against him and put him in jail. They never heard from him again. As Johnny said, “And finally, life was good again… … … until she met another one.”

This time it was Carl. Carl didn’t abuse them near as much as Steve, but that’s because they were bigger now and they realized they didn’t have to take it. They threatened Carl and he knew they could take him if he tried anything. But one day Carl was holding a gun to Johnny’s brother’s head. Johnny beat him up until he was knocked out. After that, his mom got mad and kicked him and his brothers and sisters all out of the house. She married Carl. She chose him over her kids. How could she do that? How could she look at man like that and possibly think he was worth more than her children, her children who saved her life? I don’t get that, Momma. I don’t get it.

When she kicked them out, they were all on their own to find a place to live. Johnny had the hardest time finding a place to live. For some reason, nobody wanted him. Nobody would help him. Did anybody love him, Momma? He went to cousins, aunts, grandmas… and nobody wanted him. I don’t get that, Momma. I don’t get it at all. I have so many family members, so many friends, who would gladly open their door to me in a split second if I needed it. And he couldn’t find anyone. From that point on, he has been homeless.

There was a point in time when he lived with his grandma, but she would only let him be there at night. So he woke up every morning at 6:00 and walked to the Faulkner County Library where he stayed until they closed. He stayed there all day long, every day, for 3 months. He just sat at the same computer, wondering what he could look up today. How did he not go crazy, Momma? How did he stay sane? What did he eat during the day? Nothing, I’m sure. Momma, how did he do that? Didn’t anyone there notice him? Didn’t the people working there notice him? Did nobody offer to help him? How could they see him every day and not offer to help him once? Why didn’t they ask him why he was there every day? His grandma kicked him out after a while because another, more important, cousin needed to live there. He was back on the streets.

He found a cousin who let him stay on her back porch for a while. Yes, her back porch, outside. He said the mosquitoes ate him up. I can only imagine. How could she go to sleep at night knowing a family member was sleeping outside? How did he survive like that?

That was his story for a few years. Homeless. Looking for someone, anyone, to help him out. He worked when he could, but nobody would ever hire him because he was “slow”. His IQ wasn’t high enough. Everywhere he went, he got rejected. I can’t imagine that, Momma. I can’t. Someone finally helped him find a school in Hot Springs that is for people like him. This school will help him learn a trade and get a job. They give him a place to stay while he’s there. But what about when he’s not in school? When he has to come home for holidays or summer break… he has nowhere, Momma. He has a homeless shelter, and that’s all.

I invited him to come to our youth service on a Wednesday night a few weeks ago. That was my first time to see him since graduation. It was such a joy to see him. He made me laugh. After the service, I took him out to eat with a few of my friends, and he had the best time. We stayed out until about 10:00. He absolutely loved our youth kids. While we were eating, I asked him to come to church with us Sunday morning… he said yes without hesitation. He hadn’t been to church since he was a little boy. I asked him what he was going to wear and you know what, Momma? He didn’t have anything. All he had to wear was basically what he had on that day… and that was just a dirty old t-shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and some torn-up shoes. That’s all he had, Momma. My heart broke. I have clothes in my closet that I haven’t even worn yet. I complain when I don’t have clean socks. I buy jeans that cost more than all the clothes he’s ever had in his life. I am so spoiled.

A friend and I picked him up the next day and took him shopping. We couldn’t find much his size, but we got him five new t-shirts and some boxers. He didn’t even have clean underwear. His size is almost impossible to find. He needs a 4XL, but you know what, Momma? I don’t blame him for that either. He told me that when he was in high school his brothers and sisters would try to leave him and get rid of him… his step dad would beat him… his mom never showed him love. He ate whatever he could out of anger. It was his way of dealing with things. He was hungry for most of his life, so when he found food, he ate all he could. It’s not his fault, Momma. When people call him fat, it’s not his fault. Why can’t people realize that?

I was leaving for Peru the next day, and all he could think about was me being safe. He begged Pat to make sure nothing happened to me. He called me his best friend. That meant the world to me.

He left the next day to go back to Hot Springs and I didn’t see him again until this weekend. It was his birthday. I picked him up for church Sunday morning and then after church some friends and I had a surprise birthday party for him. It was his first birthday party in forever. He was so happy! He had his own cake, pizza (his favorite food), then we gave him some presents and played rockband.

My friends were great to him, Momma. They loved him. One friend got him a brand new pair of New Balances, his favorite. Another friend got him a gift-card. Three of them went in together and got him an MP3 player. We put all kinds of Christian music on it for him… and he loved it! And you and I, Momma, we got him a bible. And you know what? He loved it. I wish you could have seen his face when he opened it. It was amazing. That was his first bible. Momma, that breaks my heart. I highlighted verses for him that would be good for him to start memorizing. They are verses I have known for 15 years… and this was his first time to ever see them. How did he survive all of this without knowing those verses? How did he do this without church in his life?

We drove him back to Hot Springs Sunday night and the whole way back we sang songs like, “Amazing Grace”, “Jesus Loves Me”, and “This Little Light of Mine.” We sang it white people style first, but then he wanted to add some soul to it. It was so much fun! When we got to his school, we walked in with him and said our goodbyes. As he was getting on the elevator, he turned and said something I will never forget. He yelled out, “I love you!”

I couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been since he had been able to say those three words to someone. Had he ever really loved anyone? Has anyone ever really loved him? Love… he had no idea what love was. Was this weekend the first time he had ever really been shown love?

It was so hard dropping him off because I knew I wouldn’t be there to hug him, to laugh with him, to talk to him. I prayed for him the whole way home. I prayed that God would open his heart and allow him to see His love.

Guess what, Momma? God answered my prayers. Tonight, around 5:30, he accepted Jesus as his Savior!! God’s love filled his life! He told me that he felt peace immediately. He has peace, and hope, and joy now. He has never known what those are. He has love. He has love that will last forever. God’s got him, now.

Momma, I don’t know why his life had to be the way it was. I don’t know why he had to endure everything he did. But I wonder if a small part of that was so that he could show me, through his story, how blessed I am. I wonder if it was so that one day I would hear his story and realize how much love I have been shown. I wonder if it was to open my eyes to people like Johnny in the world.

What scares me is the thought that there are more Johnnys out there. There are children right now who are living out this story. They need us, Momma. They need what we have. They need our hope, our love, our joy, our peace. They need us to reach out a hand to them. They need us to stop judging them, stop making fun of them… they need us to help them.

Part of me wants to just slap his mom. But a bigger part of me wants to hug her. She was probably raised the exact same way. She probably didn’t know any other way. She probably never had anyone love her. I’m sure she loved them, she probably just felt like there was nothing else she could do about it. I want to love her. I want to tell her it’s okay. I want to show her a different life. I want her to find God’s love like he did.

I asked him where his brothers and sisters are. Most of his brothers are dealing drugs. It was the only income they could find at the time. His sisters got pregnant just to have a place to live. They didn’t know better, Momma. They were just trying to survive. And now they are going to be judged, hated, and ridiculed by our society. Nobody will help them because they are “screw-ups”. Momma, I want them to be loved. I want to help them, too. I want them to know the truth.

This is a very mean world, Momma. Satan is big. But you know what? God is bigger. They need to know that. We need to tell them that. We need to show them that. We need to stop hating them, and start loving them. We need to stop judging them, and start trying to understand them. They don’t need ridicule. They need Jesus.

I know this isn’t the end for Johnny. He has a lot more he will have to endure. He has a lot of pain he will always remember. But I know that he now has a strength that he never had before. I also know that he has friends and people who love him. And Momma, I want to keep showing him love. I want to keep helping him. Maybe one day he can help someone else.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for taking me to church. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for being my Momma.

I love you,

Jordan

How incredible is that? Are you like me and completely speechless? Do you feel the need to grab a full box of kleenex and stuff it all in your chest? Are you not appalled and excited, sad and joyous, and speechless and wanting to share all at the same time? Are you not convicted? Me? I am floored by this story. I want to help Johnny. Don't you too want to help Johnny? Don't you too want to give him a hug, a smile, a high five, or a knuckle tap? Don't you too want to let him know you are part of his extended family?


How does Johnny feel after all those years? Confused? Helpless? Torn? Hated? Perhaps, Loved? Jordan and her friends showed him love. Yet, he still has no one to go home to. What is he going to do for Thanksgiving? Christmas? He now knows love. He now knows Christ. He now has a family. Are we going to stand idle as his first family did? Do you feel that desire in your heart to show him the difference in Christ?


I've been utterly moved by the Holy Spirit to do something. I'm going to take initative on this one and use this opportunity to create an informal mission for anyone who feels moved as well. We're going to call it "Operation Johnny". From now until Christmas 2009, I'm going to be gathering things for Johnny. Mostly clothes and some pocket money. This is an opportunity for us- as a family- to help Jonny get on his feet, to help him have a great Holiday season. You can give me- to give to him- whatever is on your heart to give him. Please contact me if you are interested in helping in some way. Remember, little things make a big difference.

As part of the "Operation Johnny", think about other Johnnys out there. Do you know one? Is there a kid in the library every day? A kid walking down the street every night? A kid that shows up with mysterious cuts and bruises? Is there someone you can show love to? I know of one, do you